It's been a little while since I've put fingers to keys, but I've had so much to say. Last week I was flipping channels, bored out of my mind, when I came across OWN and stopped. I usually go one channel up to Investigation Discovery but the title of the show caught my attention; Black Women OWN the Conversation. So always curious I stopped and watched the last thirty minuets. After that I went back and watched the rest because it was so interesting. I don't want to recap what happened but I suggest everyone check out the video here.
A quick rundown of what the show is about, one hundred black women gather to talk about important topics in our community. Last week they talked about love and what it means different things to different people. At first I rolled my eyes but after a while I noticed a lot of these women had the same story I did. They had been brainwashed by society to see themselves as an extension of the man and their hopes, dreams and wants, were put on hold in relationships.
I'm not saying I had horrible relationships, ok a few were pretty bad, but I wasn't given the respect and love that I deserved. I was regulated to last place and had a designated time and place to be the "girlfriend". I would make excuses for the men but quietly cry alone in my room as I slowly gained weight and tried to convince myself that I was loveable. It took three of my core girlfriends to each tell me, separately, that I was worth more and had a lot to offer. I still didn't believe it until I moved away from a toxic situation and started living free of any obligations.
I no longer had to try and not be me so that I wouldn't make someone angry. No more pretending to be happy when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. I finally got the help and medication I needed to control my bipolar one mood swings. Slowly, with the help of a wonderful therapist I'm learning to love myself and to be alone.
Some day I want to find a man who is going to give me the love and attention I need to thrive in a relationship. He may not be my ideal type of guy, or the type of guy I have convinced myself that I need, but he will be mine.
I encourage every woman, even non-black, to check out this series on OWN and take away something that will change your life. I have and as I sit and write this, I know I will be stronger for the struggles I have been through and better able to receive the blessings coming my way. After watching, come back and let's have a conversation. Tell me how it has changed your life and together we can encourage each other to be better.